"Lisa, this is neither the time nor the place."
-- Bart, telling Lisa to stop praying
"I, on the other hand, have been having a wonderful day, and I owe it all to skipping church!"
"And what if we picked the wrong religion? Every week, we're just making God madder and madder!"
Homer: I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about
how I'm going to Hell?
God: [pause] Hmm... You've got a point there.
"You know, sometimes even I'd rather be watching football..."
-- God, commiserating with Homer
"That Reverend Lovejoy <really> displeases Me. I think I'll give him a canker sore."
"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico."
Lisa: Why are you dedicating your life to blasphemy?
Homer: Don't worry, sweetheart. If I'm
wrong, I'll recant on my deathbed.
"God Himself told me I should seek a new path."
"Perfect teeth. Nice smell. A class act, all the way."
-- Homer, describing God
Rev. Lovejoy: Homer, I'd like you to remember Matthew 7:26..."A foolish man who who built his house on sand.''
And you remember... Matthew ... 21:17!
Rev. Lovejoy: ``And he left them and went out of the city into Bethany
and he lodged there''?
Homer: Yeah... [regains
his nerve] Think about it!
"I was born a Snake Handler, and I'll die a Snake Handler."
-- Moe the bartender
"Kids, let me tell you about another so-called [makes quotation marks with fingers] ``wicked'' guy. He had
long hair and some wild ideas. He didn't
always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name
I forget. But the point is... I forget that, too. Marge, you know what
I'm talking about.
He used to drive that blue car?"
"Please do not offer my god a peanut."
-- Apu at the Kwik-E-Mart
"No offense, Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you musta been out taking a whiz."
"Truly, this was an act of God."
-- Lisa, about the house fire
"Hey. Flanders is a regluar Charlie Church, and God didn't save his house.''
-- Homer, who then sees the fire leave Flanders' house and a rainbow appear
"The Lord is venegeful. [falls to his knees] Oh Spiteful One, show me who to smite, and he shall be smoten!"
Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on
Rev. Lovejoy: No, but He was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they
came to your aid, be they [points to Ned] Christian, [Krusty] Jew, or [Apu] ... miscellaneous.
Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Rev. Lovejoy: Aw, that's super.
"Don't worry, Homer. Nine out of ten religions fail in their first year."
Homer: What's the meaning of life?
God: Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out
when you die.
Homer: I can't wait that long!
God: You can't wait six months?